“Take me , I don’t want me .”

wowfunniestposts:

this blog is epic

#who didn’t?

I don’t feel like disappearing anymore, maybe because I’ve already disappeared. I’ve almost text you my anxiety ,my fear , my pain , my disappointment but I didn’t . I think I’ve reached that line, the line I heard them talk about. Things stop at that line, time stops and feelings do not exist. I don’t know why I feel like this , like I have nothing inside me , like I’m not there . I want to call anybody just to have them babble in my ears trivial things, I want to hear them judge me constantly and then give me advice on how should I lead my crocked life . I want their voices to conquer the voices in my head, it’s so loud in here I can’t hear myself think sometimes.

Yesterday I talked to God , I told him all my troubles like you told me , and yet I feel like I don’t deserve the chance of justifying my life , of justifying what I’ve become , how I screw this up and how I’m unable to fix things anymore .I feel like I’m autistic , I feel like I’m negotiating the world every day of my life . And like an autistic child I’m unable to cry, to scream to yell at the faces of all those who do not speak the language I do . I wanted to cry so bad, even though crying won’t fix anything nor it will change the fact that I’m stuck here forever , I still wanted to cry like a baby till I lose my conscious or something , I wanted to do anything ,anything that would make me alive and not just make me (ME) oh God I’ve been me for so long , it is tiring So tiring , I wanted to rest for a while . just for a while , I wanted to escape ME . Ironically everyone I know wants to be me for some reason I AM something to wish for. if they only knew !

I’ve read this story about a man without a shadow, a demon form another life time , he lived off people’s memories and toke them as his own , he felt their pain and sorrow and acted as if they were his own . I envied him, for not being attached to no one and to nothing even his pain was a pain he chooses to feel and to suffer . noting was inflected upon him only the things he inflected upon himself .

…. … …. ….

waadalbawardi:

I will always reblog this.

It’s been so long since I last posted anything , actually it’s been so long since I last felt anything to be exact . The noises in my head had grew louder and louder and my thoughts are like a bunch of inmates locked in an asylum who think they’re all sane . I feel sorry for all the dreams and for all the things that are undone, for the wasted years and mostly for my aching heart. being left alone doesn’t hurt as much anymore , being left out of my own life doesn’t matter like it use to and all the things I’ve planned for seemed  so ridicules right now. How naïve I was, and how unpleasant I’ve become. I’ve come to realize that no matter how bullet proof my plan was it always finds a way to crumble down on my empty soul at the very first sight of trouble . Planning is overrated anyway, at least that what I keep telling myself. So many times I wanted to quit and just leave, not because I needed affection and not because I needed more ,only because me being here is just a waste of space, and oxygen for that matter . But yet again this is life ,right ? life is a journey without a map ,you need to follow your heart and hear what your soul has to say . But what if my heart is silently beating and what if my soul has nothing to say ! am I suppose to travel in pitch black .

No steps shall be taken till this chaos within is back on track .

mendmyheart:

mirnanoaman:

thehakawati:

MIDEAST-ISRAEL-LEBANON

 

Israeli girls write messages in Hebrew on shells ready to be fired at Lebanon. Writing hate messages to Lebanon. Terrorism at it’s best.

This is just all kinds of wrong.
Hasbya’Allah wa ni3mal wakeel. 

Oh look, the same shells that hit Southern Lebanon that destroyed homes and killed some family friends of mine in 2006. Thanks Israel.

                “If you are getting Ds and Fs then maybe you should quite !” that was the highlight of my week .not once but twice I have heard the Q word , it wasn’t from bitter friends But from my teachers themselves !  it must be depress your students DAY or something coz all the teachers are saying the same thing . I wonder is that what they’ve been up to in their “meetings” .

I set in the hallway like all students awaiting my next hour of complete torture. I dwell on the idea of leaving and it sounds tempting-believe me- but let’s face it every other mager is the same . attend , memorize , pass , get a degree End of story . so leaving will not make me better then I’m already am .

I study the facial expressions of my teachers as they start to repeat the same lesson over and over and over , day after day , year after year . That must be very depressing not to mention the lifeless courses , repeating one’s self sounds frustrating ! God bliss them ,they suffer But they let us know it. My habit of daydreaming has become an issue to some of the teachers who is actually paying attention to Us , the students , Me . I tend to doodle an old song on my note book to give the illusion of “taking notes” or I’ll draw a continues line in circles . while I sing the Gashlycrumb Tinies by Edward Gorey : A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil who was assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who was wasted away .and I’ll sing them all while I gaze into the emptiness that lay ahead . I can’t stop wondering why did Edward Gorey wrote that lullbay ? it’s horrifying , horror movie horrifying . or shall I say real life horrifying ! because  let’s face it horror movies aren’t that horrifying anyway. Time would pass while I dwell on his lullaby, maybe those little kids have died long time ago and he wanted them to be remembered ! Suddenly a voice interrupt my useless thoughts “seta! *pause* can you repeat what I just said” “ummmm” I don’t think so , then the teacher would give me the LOOK which have the embedded meaning “ my eyes are on you missy “ Hell, can’t a girl have a little pace around here ! I can sense the vibes I’m sending to my teachers , friends , family and even to strangers . GOD it’s like I’m dragging this black energy wherever I go ! people are starting to notice how weird I’ve become .  Funny thing is: I didn’t  notice how weird I’ve become .  even when I was hearing voices and hallucinating stuff, Turns out that I have a virus infection which was messing with my head . EVEN then I didn’t find myself weird . I thought I was dying or something .

                “fin”

‏​‏​‏​‏​الْلَّهُمَّ لاتكسّرِ لِيَ ظُهْرَا..وَلاتُصَعبُ لِيَ حَاجَةٌ…وَلاتُعْظّمْ عَلَيَّ أَمْرا
الْلَّهُمَّ لاتَحَنِيّ لِيَ قَامَةٍ … وَلَا تَكْشِفْ لِيَ سِتْرَا…وَلاتُفْضّحُ لِيَ سَرَّا
الْلَّهُمَّ انَّ عَصَيْتُكَ جَهَرَا ..فَاغْفِرْلِيْ …وَانْ عَصَيْتُكَ سَرَّا فَاسْتُرْنِيْ
الْلَّهُمَّ لَاتَجْعَلْ مُصِيْبَتِيْ فِىْ دِيْنِيْ …وَلَاتَجْعَلْ الْدُّنْيَا أَكْبَرَ هَمِّيْ
الْلَّهُمَّ لِاتُمَكِنِ مِنِّيْ حَاسِدٍ..وَلاتُفْرّحُ بِسُقُوْطِيْ اعْدَائِيَ
الْلَّهُمَّ إِغْنَّنِيّ بِحَلَالِكَ عَنْ حَرَامِكَ ..وَبِخَشْيَتكِ عَنْ عِصْيَانِكَ
الْلَّهُمَّ انَّ دَعَانِيْ مِنْ لَايَخَافُكَ إِلَىَ حَرَامٍ …فَاحْفَظْنِيْ كَمَا حَفِظْتُ مِنْ الْحَرَامِ يُوَسُفَ
الْلَّهُمَّ انَّ ضَاقَتْ عَلَيَّ الْارْضُ بِمَا رَحُبَتْ ..فَأَغِثْنِيْ بِرَحْمَتِكَ الَّتِيْ أَغَثْتَ بِهَا صَاحِبُ الْحُوتِ
الْلَّهُمَّ انَّ رُفِعَتْ لَكَ يدَيِيّ أَدْعُوْكَ بِحَاجَةٍ …فَلَا تَرُدَّ يَدِيَ بِلَا حَاجَتِيْ وَانْتَ الْكَ

….

The effert we put in things sometimes turns to be insignificant ! Gahndy himself said: [everything you do in life will be insignificant but it’s very importent that you do it] So just have faith in God and try to be the good person I know you are ! Keep doing what you’re doing even if you think it’s worthless , just do it . You’ll never know the lives you’re changing . keep your head held high,and fight ! Fight for what is yours . Don’t back dwon..I know the world might seem as dark as your 3abaya , and miserbale .. I know all your dreams didn’t come true and you lost all hope in living . It’s ok , cry , lean on a friend if you have one ! Break things , scream your lungs out .. Just don’t wallow in sadness don’t let it get the best of you ! Yah, it hurts Believe me I know , it hurts like hell and it might take a life time to heal .. Count your blessings .. And keep on fighting , living , breathing . this is my advise to you.